CAN SHE EVEN MOVE HER FACE?

This is Priscilla Presley in Australia at the launch for her new line of boudoir items. She is 60 years old and there is not a wrinkle on her face. Thank you Botox and tons of plastic surgery. Oh, "allegedly," of course. I do like her hair though. The black streaks in the red are awesome. Cilla said that she was offended by the recent tabloid comments that her daughter Lisa Marie's wedding was "wacky" or "kooky kabuki." Presley told AAP, "It was not wacky in any sense of the word because you appreciate a culture and you appreciate tradition, that is wacky for somebody to say that." Like I said people, "when in Rome!"

The old days.

BOBBI KRISTINA TO FORM ALL GIRL SUPER GROUP.

Hmm...According to Contact Music, Bobby and Whitney's baby girl Bobbi Kristina "I love you Bobby, I love YOU Bobbi," Has formed an all girl group called "Sistars." Wow. Catchy. No further info on this new super group is available. In other Bobby and Whitney news, people are a buzz thinking that Whitney may be pregnant with her and Bobby's 2nd child. Bobby did an interview recently with Sister 2 Sister magazine and made the comment that he and Whitney plan on having another child and said, "I'm hoping that she's pregnant right now... She's just resting." So basically, that doesn't mean anything. Don't people know by now not to take anything Bobby Brown says seriously? Let's just hope that if Whitney is trying to get pregnant again, she is living a clean life. As much as I love the Bobby & Whitney, I can't imagine bringing another kid into that train wreck of a family.

Source: WENN via Handbag

IS SARAH JESSICA PARKER A KOO-KOO BIRD?

Aww shucks. This story is so disturbing to me, especially because I have been dying to see the upcoming Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew McConaughey movie Failure To Launch. Word is getting out that Matthew is not to fond of Sarah Jessica and that he thinks she is "peculiar." MSNBC's The Scoop is claiming that Matthew could not bear Sarah Jessica, even though he is the type of guy that gets along with everyone. YIKES. It is reported that Matthew had a hard time finding words to describe working with her and could only come up with, "Great comedic timing. Very peculiar, too. Man, she's a very interesting woman. Yeah." Whatever! Ok, I want to know what he thinks makes her peculiar. Giving her son the middle name "Wilke" is not reason enough. I love Sarah Jessica and I thought they were really cute together when he guest starred on Sex in The City. If you saw the episode where Matthew plays himself, he was quite the peculiar one if you ask me. Oh, boo-hoo. Well, I am a sucker for those romantic comedies anyway, so there is no way this news will keep me from seeing Failure To Launch.

Source: Film Fodder

BRITNEY PLAYS FAIRY GODMOTHER.

Here's a photo of Ms. Britney getting her groove on yesterday at Mardi Gras. My girl Brit went to surprise and also spend the day with a group of highschool students whose lives were affected by Hurricane Katrina. Featured this morning on Good Morning America, the girls were set to have a breakfast meeting with city councilman Jay Batt to discuss the effects of Katrina, but after their meeting, they had another surprise. Britney walked in the room and the girls got all squealy and excited like little girls do. Britney told the girls she was going to take them all shopping "to pick out some really good outfits," and also to eat at one of Emeril Laggase's restaurants. Mmmmm....Shopping and eating with Britney? Damn, I'm not even a teenager and I would get all squealy for that. While there, she also surprised the school dance team The Gatorettes. Big props going out to Britney for bringing some light into to these girls lives, which I can only imagine have not been anything close to easy these past several months.

Good Morning America

MARTHA STEWART'S DAUGHTER SAYS TRUMP SHOULD SHOVE A SPOON UP HIS REAR.

It's full fledged war now between Martha Stewart and Donald Trump and oh, how I love it! Martha and her daughter Alexis came back swinging while they talked about Trump's "open letter" during her radio show Thursday. All I have to say is, Martha wins round two! Don't let anyone talk smack about you without fighting back sister! As reported on IMDB, this is an excerpt of Martha's radio show discussion with daughter Alexis:

"He sent the letter to the press before he sent it to me." When Alexis declared, "A normal businessman doesn't really behave this way," and described Trump as being "busy riding around town seeing if your name is polished properly on the front of all the buildings you don't really own," Stewart replied, "Donald is not a normal businessman. Remember Donald was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He's a spoiled brat." Alexis went on to attack Trump even further, expressing her sympathy for his daughter Ivanka, saying, "I feel sorry for her. She seems like a nice girl. It must be hard to have such a freak for a father," and also suggesting he shove a silver spoon "up his a*s." In response, Trump says, "Nice. What a crude statement. But then Alexis is used to making crude statements."

LISTEN TO THE FULL ALEXIS & MARTHA CONVERSATION ON MYSPACE!

GEORGE MICHAEL ARRESTED. NAUGHTY THINGS FOUND IN CAR.

Oh dear George Michael. How I miss the days when all he used to do was put out good music like "Freedom" or "Father Figure," and the most we had to worry about was him getting arrested in a public bathroom for trying to get a blow job. Looks like George is not doing the greatest of late, as he was arrested yesterday on suspicion of possessing drugs after being found at Hyde Park slumped over the steering wheel of his car. The Sun Online is reporting that George said the arrest was "his own stupid fault as usual." That's sad. Cops gave him a breath test and allegedly found no alcohol, but allegedly found "cannabis and GHB" (aka: liquid ecstasy) when they searched him. The kicker of the whole story is that it's also reported that when cops searched the trunk of his car they found a stash of porno material, sex toys and masks. What I don't get is the mobile sex wagon. I also will never understand the whole mask fetish some people have {shudder}. Oh well, I hope GM is doing ok and that this was just a bad night and that he isn't falling off the deep end or something.

The Sun Online

LISA MARIE PRESLEY HAS A LOT OF MONEY.

Aww. Here is Lisa Marie Presley, her new husband Michael Lockwood and mother Priscilla Presley decked out in Kimono gear for her recent wedding in Japan. The National Enquirer reports that Lisa Marie wore a kimono over a robe and traditional Japanese sandals and Michael wore sandals, a black kimono, Samurai skirt and traditional Samurai cap. He wore the cap after getting special permission from the priest to hide his bald spot. Heh? Although the wedding cost an estimated $250,000, it was an intimate affair with only 11 people that included Lisa Marie and Michael making the trek from Los Angeles to Japan for the ceremony. Before Lisa tied the knot, she had her fiance sign a pre-nup to protect her $700 million fortune. Smart. Damn, that is a lottt of money. Wow. The National Enquirer also reported that during the ceremony, Lisa Marie took part in a very sacred ritual. She threw a coin in a bowl, clapped her hands twice to the Shinto gods, bowed and wished for a child. Lisa Marie wants another baby! WooHoo! Best of luck to our girl Lisa Marie, as she is the only child of the great late Elvis Presley...keep putting those Elvis grandbabies out there, sister!
Source: The National Enquirer

FLAVOR OF LOVE: GIRL SPITS ON GIRL. THAT AIN'T RIGHT.

Holy Moly! I don't even watch this "Flavor of Love" show oh VH1, but I had to catch it last night after seeing on a commercial that there was going to be some type of girl fight. Give me a smackdown between chicks and you know I'm there! Anyway, there are these two hoochie mamas, one is named Pumkin and the other New York and they are both trying to date Flava Flav. Well, since I only watched the fight part, I guess Pumkin got eliminated and she was all pissed off and somehow her and New York started yelling at each other (they must have a history). So New York was all "slap me bitch! slap me!" and Pumkin was like "I can take you down!" and then Pumkin leaned forward and spit a big ass gooey spit ball at New York and it landed on her neck. Then New York went crazy and Pumkin looked terrified as hell like "oh shit, white girl just spit on the black girl, uh oh!!" and tried to run off but New York grabbed that bitches hair and pushed her and Pumkin went flying into the cameraman. Then afterwards New York was saying her hair smelled like Pumkin's stinky shit breath, but yet, she kept smelling her hair. This was some crazy ass TV and I must have rewound it 5 times. God help me. I really need to get out of the house more.

Watch the clip of the spit!

WOOOOOOOOOO! DREW LACHEY WINS DANCING WITH THE STARS 2!

Congratulations Dancing With The Stars 2 champions, Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke! The show was a painfully long 2 hours, but what made it bearable was that my sweet Jerry Rice came in 2nd place! I know there are some people out there all pissy because Stacy didn't make the final two, but here is how I see it. Jerry's judges scores may not have been as consistantly high as Stacy's, but the man improved 100% from day one on the basis of learning how to ballroom dance (remember, that is what the show is about). Not to mention, going into this competition he didn't have 15 years of ballet classes or professional cheerleading experience under his belt like Stacy did. He was a football player that took on the challenge of something that was foreign to him, and learned how to do it and do it well. The audience could see that and that is why he received a tremendous amount of viewer votes to bump him into the final two. Granted, I think Drew is the better dancer, but when he and Jerry were the last men standing, I realized I would have been happy for either one of them to win.

TONIGHT! DANCING WITH THE STARS LIVE FINALE!

WATCH DREW & CHERYL'S FINALS PERFORMANCE OF THE PASO DOBLE- THRILLER AND SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY HERE!

Don't forget to tune in for the Dancing With The Stars Live Finale tonight at 8pm/ABC. TW is going to have everything crossible on her body for Drew Lachey to take home that mirror ball trophy! Good luck Drew & Cheryl!

Grand Finale Not only will the final three couples showcase a new routine in the dance style of their choice to be scored by the judges, all seven of the previously eliminated celebrities will return with their professional dance partners to perform a dance set to some of the most memorable songs. To add to the excitement, Grammy Award-winning R&B music artist Mary J. Blige takes the stage to perform. The champion will be crowned and the coveted Mirrorball trophy presented, in this two-hour live finale.

MR. FURLEY GOES TO HEAVEN. SO LONG, DON KNOTTS.

Some of you may remember him playing Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, but I remember Don Knotts more as Mr. Furley from Three's Company. Sadly, Knotts died on Friday from pulmonary and respiratory problems at the age of 81. I have to be honest, when I read the news, my first thought was, "gosh, I thought he was dead already." So sad. Now I feel horrible. I also feel bad because even though I liked Knotts, I never really liked Mr. Furley on Three's Company and always wished the Ropers would come back and kick him out of their apartment. Saying that, Don Knotts was a great actor who was in seven television series and more than 25 films. I bet my 'ol pal Mark from the Mark and Brian Show is just crushed right now. He loved that damn Andy Griffith Show. Don Knotts said he embraced being remembered for his Barney Fife character as it was the role he was most proud of. He has said his favorite episodes were "The Pickle Story," where Aunt Bea makes pickles no one can eat, and "Barney and the Choir," where no one can stop him from singing.
Rest in peace dear Don Knotts. Once again, so sorry for not liking Mr. Furley.
Source: AP

TABLOID QUICKIES...

Just a few things to help feed your needs for the weekend. I'm off to have some fun!

• Good 'ol Ally Mc Beal's Calista Flockhart is coming back to tv and co-starring with Rachel Griffiths in a new family drama called "Brothers and Sisters."
• In 1999 and at the age of 35, DMC from Run-DMC found out he was adopted. Tonight at 9pm, VH1 will show a documentary on his search to find his birth mother in DMC: MY ADOPTION JOURNEY (I love shows like this!)
• The National Enquirer is reporting that Kevin Federline went to go visit his other kids at Shar Jackson's house. When hours went by and Britney couldn't reach Kevin on his cell phone, she drove over to Shars, only to find Kevin passed out on the couch in his underwear. Britney freaked and ran off, but Kevin caught up with her and set the record straight, one of the kids puked on his clothes. Happens.
• Friends tell the ever reliable (cough!) In Touch Weekly that Vince Vaughn is going to ask Jennifer Aniston to marry him any day now. Jen's hairsylist is opening his mouth again saying, "she is in love again." Hairstylists "know all" people!
• Sorry, I still don't believe that George Clooney and Teri Hatcher are dating.
• I soooo believe Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban ARE getting married, and soon!

SHERYL CROW HAS SURGERY FOR BREAST CANCER.

Oh this is so terrible! Singer Sheryl Crow had surgery on Wednesday for "minimally invasive" breast cancer. Her spokesperson has confirmed that her prognosis is excellent and she will have to undergo radiation treatment as a precaution. It was only a couple weeks ago that Sheryl and her fiance Lance Armstrong broke off their engagement. He released the following statement regarding Sheryl today:
"I was devastated to hear this news. Once again I'm reminded of just how pervasive this illness is as it has now touched someone I love deeply. Based on my contact in recent days with Sheryl, her doctor, and her family, I am confident that she will have a full and complete recovery and the world will be a better place for it. And to all of her fans and friends out there, please keep Sheryl in your thoughts and prayers yet know that I have never known a stronger woman in my life."
Sheryl released the following statement on her website today:
Approximately 1 in 7 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime and more than 2 million Americans are living with breast cancer today. I am joining the more than 200,000 women who will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year. We are a testament to the importance of early detection and new treatments. I encourage all women everywhere to advocate for themselves and for their future. See your doctor and be proactive about your health. More than 10 million Americans are living with cancer, and they demonstrate the ever-increasing possibility of living beyond cancer. I am inspired by the brave women who have faced this battle before me and grateful for the support of family and friends."
Source: AP

TRUMP PUTS SPAWN ON DISPLAY FOR NEW APPRENTICE.

"DADDY! I'm ready for my close up!"

Even though Donald Trump is on my shit list for being such an ass to my girl Martha Stewart, I have to mention him briefly today. The New York Daily News is reporting that on Monday's first new episode of The Apprentice, Trump will be bringing some of his family onto the show. Daughter Ivanka and son Donald Jr. will be the new fill ins for George and Carolyn. You may remember Ivanka back from her fabulous days as a model. Alert: With Ivanka on the show, Trump might want to take back right now what he said about Martha Stewart's daughter. The son, he's the one that just married a Playboy model or porn star or something. As much as I don't even want to watch this new Apprentice, I might have to take a peek at the boardroom just so I can laugh at his damn kids. Next thing you know, he'll be pimping out Tiffany, the 12 year old daughter from Marla Maples we never hear about, having her do a tap dance and a song.

Source: NY Daily News

JESSICA SIMPSON'S NEW SHOE ADS.

Here is Jessica Simpson in an ad for her new line of footwear . The shoes look hot in the photo, but unfortunately, if they are anything like the cowboy boots she put out, then you're screwed. SHHHH! I saw them in person and in my humble opinion, they look kinda cheap! Oh well, hopefully Jessica's "F me" shoes will be of a little higher quality. If they are, I'll buy 'em.

SASHA COHEN TAKES THE SILVER.

Congratulations to sweet Sasha Cohen who won the Olympic Silver medal in Ice Skating last night. I thought she did such a fabulous job and it broke my heart when she fell on her booty twice in the beginning of her performance. After those two initial falls though, her skating was spectacular and she finished up strong. I loved her routine, she had a gorgeous costume and the music from Romeo and Juliet got me all teary. The local news said she was "dinged up with a sore groin," which could have contributed to her falling, although Sasha said in an interview later that the groin had nothing to do with it. Damn those dinged up groins, first Michelle Kwan and now Sasha Cohen. I, on the other hand, am yet to have one. Heh. Oh well, we'll see in 4 years if she will once again go for the gold. Girl, you did the USA and all us So Cal chicks proud! Shizuka Arakawa from Japan got the Gold and that darling Irina Slutskaya from Russia got the Bronze. Bless her little Russian heart with those rosey cheeks and yellow teeth, she did a great job too! In case you missed it:

ooops! USA's Kimmie Meissner fell too.

Aww, shit! So did USA's Emily Hughes and she's pissed.

Sweet Irina Slutskaya from Russia fell only once, but this photo will haunt the poor girl forever.

And there goes USA's Sasha Cohen.

Aww crap! Twice!

Japan's Shizuka Arakawa, "hee! hee! hee!"

The other chick from Japan Miki Ando, just ain't happy about nothing.

And finally, the winners take the podium!

DANCING WITH THE STARS 2: WOAH NELLY! DREW LACHEY IS ONE HOT COWBOY.

Aww how sad. This is our last Dancing With the Stars wrap up! Boo hoo! Last night's votes were crucial because on Sunday's finale the winner will be crowned! Although everyone was good, I still cross my fingers for my boy Drew Lachey, oh he has been so amazing this whole season, I can't stand it. All original contestants will be back for the finale and they will perform (yes, that includes Tatum). The last contestants standing will do a final dance and then the judges will crown the winner which will be determined by yesterday's audience votes and Sunday's judge votes. Make sure to tune in!

Jerry Rice: Jerry is such sweet chocolate. I have enjoyed him so much on this show. I don't give a darn tootin' about football, but that Jerry..now I'm a fan of his for life! He did the Foxtrot and of course was dressed in a wonderful, crisp, sharp suit (which the women llllove) and did some pretty fancy footwork tonight. Man, he's got hella long legs. I am glad the judges finally were kind to him in their remarks. Guilt for being asses to him all season long I'm sure.
SCORES: 9+9+8=26/30
Freestyle: First words out of my mouth "oh my God." Jerry and Anna came out in full disco gear and both had huge afro wigs on and danced to "Celebration." Oh it was spectacular! Who knew? Jerry's a disco dancer!
SCORES: 9+9+9=27/30

Stacey Kiebler: Stacey was on Ellen yesterday and said she rolled her ankle during practice (hmm..blatent ploy for sympathy votes I'm sure), she performed the Jive again pulled out all the stops. She made sure to wear the teeny tiny outfit with all the fringes too. Uh huh. Hey, I've been nice to Stacey this whole time, let me have a little fun. She actually did a great job, but what else can I say? I still want Drew to win. SCORES: 10+10+10=30
FREESTYLE: Stacey and her partner did a disco dance to Stayin' Alive, but for real, it was nothing special. It was dull. It was Dance Fever and her partner f'd up the final lift and they stumbled. What is going on? This was their chance to go nuts! I just would have expected more in the freestyle from those two. Hmm...judges agreed.
SCORES: 8+9+9=26/30

Drew Lachey: Ohhhhh! I was so excited when they said Drew was going to do the Paso Doble to Thriller again! My favorite of all season! Drew started off swinging that crazy cape and he and Cheryl did the dance as good as the first time. The one difference between Drew and Stacey is that when Drew is dancing, you shake your booty along with him. Scores+ 10!+10!+10!=30 Yay!
FREESTYLE: Oh my word, Drew & Cheryl came out in full fledged cowboy gear! They did this funky ass country western funked up junk in the trunk rock your booty make me drool dance to the song Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. Yoaw! I mean seriously, it was a H-O-T , sizzlin', start engraving the trophy performance. And I promise that I'm not just saying that b/c of my favoritism of Drew. This actually blew his magnificint Pase Doble away. The judges went nuts, one of them made the joke that Drew just won the lead in Brokeback Mountain the musical. Good stuff. Good Stuff. Nick and Lea were both in the audience again, Nick looked hot as always.
SCORES: 10+10+10!!!=30

And for those of you who want to check out Drew & Cheryl's dances for the evening, here you go!
Paso Doble - Thriller

Freestyle - Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy (HOT!)

HUGH GRANT GETS PHYSICAL.

Oh I love Hugh Grant and was so tempted to put a hot picture of him up, but I came across this one and couldn't resist. My darling Hugh kicked some pain in the ass paparazzo in the booty the other day, literally. A NY Daily News reporter who witnessed the exchange said that cutie Hugh was walking down the street when a photographer started snapping pix of him. So Hugh, rightfully so, pulls out his camera cell phone and starts snapping photos back saying "how do you like it mate?" (ohhh I looovve the whole "mate" thing!). Now here is where it gets good...when the photographer didn't let up, Hugh called him a "pussy" and wacked the guy on the head with a Manila folder. Seeming to get off on this exchange, the photographer just taunted Hugh even more and said, "I don't know what your so mad about!" By this time, Hugh is like not going to take anymore shit from this guy and tells him, " "You're invading my privacy. This is your last warning, you c**t," and then Hugh kicked the photographer in the ass and walked off. Ha! Love it!

Source: Life Style Extra

JACK OSBOURNE & KATE MOSS? UM, NO.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus that the lovely and sober Jack Osbourne has come out to say he is NOT dating that cokehead Kate Moss. A while back, photos of them together surfaced from her birthday party and people speculated that more was going on between the two than just "friendship." Osbourne says, "I've known Kate for a few years and I went out with her for her birthday. "I don't push help on anyone - if she feels that she needs to call me, whatever." The last thing that kid needs is to get involved with a mess like Moss. I love Jack now that he has his act together, I knew he could do it! If anyone ever comes across his show Adrenaline Junkie on the Travel Channel, check it out. It's all about Jack kicking his own ass to get in shape after getting sober. You will have a new found respect for the guy after watching it. Trust me.

Source: Handbag

NAUGHTY AMERICAN IDOL HOTEL SECRETS.

Have you wondered what goes on with those American Idol kids during their down time? Are they like the whores on MTV's Real World and Road Rules who allegedly do drugs and have orgies with each other all night long? Well, TMZ.com has started to spill the behind the scenes dirt on American Idol contestants. Are they boozing it up every night or do they drink milk before hitting the sack? Now's your chance to find out. Here is some scoop that those crazy snoops sent over TW's way today about what really goes down at casa 'A.I.':

• American Idol' contestant Melissa McGhee is upset because she feels she's gotten less face time than her peers. But she's making up for that shortcoming by using her cell phone incessantly to vote for herself.
• Almost every female contestant is disgruntled over what they believe is a double standard -- that Becky O'Donohue has been criticized for her sexy pose in 'Maxim,' yet 'A.I.' hunk Ace Young can strike sexy poses on the show but he's viewed as "cool." (TW says: here's Becky's Maxim photo)
  
• TMZ knows exactly where 'American Idol' contestants have been staying while in LA. It's a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills, though we won't say which one. We are privy to exactly what went on as contestants watched 'A.I.' together, hung out in the hotel's restaurant/bar and the VIP lounge, and even what they did in elevators. To say the least, it's amusing.
  
• -- Kellie Pickler started out very nice, but the lowdown is that she's getting downright arrogant. Pickler told the chef, "You're lucky to be cooking for me." In fact, Pickler is so taken with herself that she belts out tunes in the hotel elevator.
  
• -- On Monday night, Taylor Hicks hibernated in his room, ordering steak and milk for dinner.
  
• -- Gedeon McKinney can not believe his good fortune. On Tuesday night he was on his cell phone telling someone: "I can't believe the rooms are $219 a night. Can you believe they pay that?" McKinney added: "I guess they're moving us to an 'American Idol' mansion cause it's so expensive here."
  
• -- On Tuesday night, 10 of the contestants, including Brenna Gethers, gathered in the restaurant/bar to watch the show. When Gethers saw herself on TV, she jumped out of her seat and began dancing to her performance. When Simon panned her, Brenna began ranting at the screen. After that, she asked the chef to sprinkle some sugar on her dessert, commenting: "I need some sugar on here after all the remarks Simon gave me." She was also lobbying people in the bar (not contestants) for votes.
  
• -- Hotel staff says they're fed up with the stage parents. One staffer says Will Makar's mom demanded that she wanted her dinner "in seven minutes."
  
• When the group first arrived, they ate like there was no tomorrow. But they've suddenly become health-conscious -- the most conspicuous changes are that tuna has replaced steak as a favorite entree and asparagus has become the new french fry. Becky O'Donohue's new favorite slogan: "Do it right, do it light."
  
• -- All of the contestants have Simon on the brain. No one talks about Randy or Paula.

(Thanks again to TMZ.com)

AMERICAN IDOL: THE DUDES. DON'T LIE, YOU WATCHED.

Will Makar: Oh my little baby John Mayer! He is soooo adorable. Oh my God, I have a crush on a 15 year old, help me. Will sang Jackson 5's "I Want You Back," not the best song choice, not the best voice, but he's got a little spark on stage. He also kinda looks like Fred Savage, but I'm going to try and forget that. Oh wow, if I was a teenager, I would be all over that kid. Damn Paula for comparing him to Bobby Brady! He is my official adorable boy of the season who is not spectacular, but so damn cute that I will back him. Now all he needs to do is a Mayer song.

Kevin Covais: Aww Kevin. He has a lisp and is dorky, so I will automatically love him (don't worry folks, i'm not voting this season). Oh I am weeping. What a little doll. I will not say anything bad about sweet Kevin.

Patrick Hall: Ok, Patrick is aight, he sang Come To My Window. He seems so out of place on Idol though. That's ok, sometimes I like that. He is very tall and something just seemed weird though. He seems uncomfortable standing up. I will give him another chance. Oh sweet Lord, who was THAT woman listed under "Patrick's friends" with the big lips in the audience?

Taylor Hicks: ahh, we love Taylor! He looks like Jay Leno and is so fun and different. Sounds like Joe Cocker, I can't wait to see more of this guy. I like how he yells, "I Love American Idol!" Cool guy.

Chris Daughtry: Chris sang "Wanted: Dead or Alive." Ahhhh, I've found my rocker for the season. F'in love this shit!

Elliot Yamin: He has horrible facial hair, bad teeth and a an even worse haircut. Did nothing for me. Nothing. A friend of mine (bless his heart, he means no harm) said Elliot reminded him of an Amish terrorist. I am stunned that Simon said he had the best voice. Will have to give him a second chance I guess.

Jose "Sway!" Panala: Ok, seriously, who was squeezing Jose's balls throughout the whole song?

David Radford: Ok, David is cute, he sang "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," but when I hear crooner on AI now, I think John Stevens and my allegiance will always be to that little red head, God bless him. David is cute and goofy and was doing Elvis moves or something. I don't know...I don't see him lasting terribly long. He's John Stevens and John Peter Lewis mixed together. OK, and please smack all the girls with their "Poodle Pound." Puke!

Gedeon McKinney: Gideon, I have to be honest...I was involved in a very important email when he was on and missed his performance. oops. Seemed nice tho!

Bucky Covington: Oh crap. I hate being so mean. Bucky... I can barely understand him, plus he has bad teeth. He is just a good ol Southern boy who means no harm, so I feel really bad when I make fun and stuff. I will try to refrain from making fun of how he speaks, because yes, I get the guilt. Bucky is singing Simple Man from Lynard Skynard. Oh I usually love my rockers to death, but ouuuch, he is gravely, scratchy and I need a throat lozenge after listening to him. Oh Bo and Constantine, I miss you so. I'd like him to forward on since I'm just kinda curious on how he'll do next. Unpredictable.

Ace Young: Oh God, he is a HUNK! I love Ace. He sang Father Figure and everything about him is perfect. The voice, the face, the outfit. Those dreamy blue eyes! He even pushes his hair back like Constantine did! I'm tempted to dial, I'm tempted to dial!! And what about that brother we saw in the audience?? There are two of those gorgeous men? Thank you Jesus!

Hey! I'm Bobby Bennett Holla!: Oh dear Granny, why did you have to ask Bobby to do Copa Cabana? What can I say about Bobby? Not to sound like Simon, but I really did feel like I was on a cruise ship watching this fellow. He was like a big Santa. Most surreal moment of the show.

Dudes in order of like: Chris Daughtry, Ace Young, Taylor Hicks.

If you want to check out an Idol top 12 review that is more concise, thought out and doesn't say things like "I don't like so-and-so because he has bad teeth, please visit my pals over at Girls Talkin' Smack for their Idol rundown. Plus, they like Constantine over there, so you know they have pretty good taste.

MISCHA & PARIS ARE LIKE SOOO 8TH GRADE!

Ohmigod! Like a bitch fest is totally going on between O.C. star Mischa Barton and whore Hilton. Seems as though Mischa made some remarks to London's Daily Mirror about Paris, saying, "she seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful ... She does steal people's boyfriends!" Ok, true, true,true, Mischa, so like what's the problem? Well, Mischa's rep claims that she was only joking when making the comment, but Paris, being the attention whore she is, had to come back blasting, "I don't even know the girl. I could care less. It seems like she is the one who is trying to stir up a rivalry. I have never said a word about her in my life. But she seems to be spending a lot of time thinking about me." Ohmigod, is that right Paris?! So then Mischa, the big TV star she is, responded to whore by totally saying, "Paris isn't my rival. I met her one or two times and she's making out there's this big rivalry between us and there so isn't." Neener, neener, neener. Take that biatch! Then, after like Mischa's little fabulous comments, Paris couldn't stand it and then after a hissy fit, like totally called up her lawyer and demanded he put out a very official statement to try and validate her place in Hollywood. So like after getting the orders from Paris, her lawyer stayed up all night burning the midnight oil writing the perfect "Paris is better than Mischa" statement and came up with, "I don't know of any girl around Paris's age, who is more successful. It seems to me a lot of celebrities are using Paris's name so they can get some ink and Mischa seems to be one of them." So there!

Source: PEOPLE

KID ROCK BLOCKS SEX TAPE RELEASE.

Ahhhaaa! Kid Rock got a judge to stop the release of that gross sex tape that hit the internet last week that featured him and Scott Stapp from Creed getting blown by tramps. The site that was showing a :40 sec clip was ordered to take it off line. Unfortunately for Kid Rock and the millions of internet viewers that already had the unfortunate experience of seeing it (me), he did not get it taken down soon enough. I know, I know, you are all wondering, "why didn't you put it up on Tabloid Whore?" Well, as much as I was disgusted by what I saw, I wrote up something for all of you and then my laptop froze and I lost the whole post. I figured that was a sign not to torture anymore people with kid Rock/Scott Stapp filth. Here is a quick rundown of what you missed on the :40 sec clip. Kid Rock and Stapp are in a trailer (fitting). All these skank ho strippers are are circling them and Kid Rock is like, "Hi, I'm Bob." At first thought you think he is kind of uncomfortable with the whole thing until the next shot is of him and Stapp like lifting up their shirts and shit while the girls are out of view but you know they are doing nasty things to them. The kicker is when Scott Stapp looks at the camera and says "it's good to be the king." Blech! Seriously, those two men make me wanna become a nun!

Read more about Kid Rock stopping the video release here.

AMERICAN IDOL: THE CHICKS. C'MON! YOU KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING.

American Idol is finally down to their top 24. Let me first say, I know, I hate this post b/c it's too damn long, but the people have been asking, so I had to give. Although I won't be covering this weekly here are a few first thoughts regarding the top 12 girls and their performances last night. Other quick thoughts, Paula unfortunately lost any of the welcomed bitchiness she had during auditions, Randy is still Randy, Simon is awesome and correct as always and damn, either the chicks this season are gargantuan, or Ryan Seacrest is REALLY short.

Mandisa: Um. the red lingerie top? The flames raging in the background? I think she was freakin' horrible and too loud. I don't care if Simon called her fat. Paula's hair looks horrible too by the way.

Kellie Pickler: Ok, so you know she is sooo getting the name "pickle" on here. Aw jeez, can someone please shake this girl? She sounded like a ding bat in the tape they ran. Ugh. Horrible voice again. Horrible! Can I please go watch ice-skating? I don't know what the judges are talking about "likability factor," with her, I don't like her. Blech.

Becky O'Donohue: First off, she looks like Jenna Dewan, that hoochie that Justin Timberlake dated after Britney (minus the hooch). Ok, I'm trying to be nice here, but Becky wasn't that bad -egh-ok, well ya she was. Not crazy about the song she did and she wrecked that last note, but maybe she is fairly decent and has great hair. Room for improvement?



Ayla Brown: OOOH! FINALLY someone who did not make me cringe. Me likey Ayla, even if she does play football.

Paris Bennett: Ok, Paris came out and was all cutesy in her tape and then came out on stage and was all kick ass mamma and shit. I do like her, but it's such a weird difference from when she talks to when she performs. Finally, a Paris with talent!

Stevie Scott: I had such hope when she said she was going to do a Josh Groban song (love him!!), but sadly, she was struggling. Ouchy. Simon said it best, "It's like being at a horrible Sunday lunch and some child gets up to sing." HA! Reserving final judgment since she said she will "bring it."

Brenna Gethers: We will call her by her middle name, memom from now on. Egh, she's fine, but I'm bored. She's got a better attitude than voice. Um, the "claws" act and sassing back to Simon is gonna get old, real quick.

Katharine McPhee: Oh I love Katharine!! What a great voice, not to mention she is gorgeous and has a sassy little personality on stage. My favorite girl of the bunch!

Heather Cox: Oh God. Horrible. Her voice didn't crack or anything like that, but boring, not to mention, I wouldn't buy a record from her (and I buy a lot of shit.) Oh, and Paula, thank you for telling another girl that even though she sucked, she will be remembered because she is "pretty."

Kinnik Sky: She has a really great voice. Lovely. Something didn't rock my world though.







Lisa Tucker: Simon said she was the best 16 year old in the competition. I loved her! She has an amazing voice and very classy. Vonzelle, Tamyra Gray anyone?






Melissa McGhee: This season's Julia Demato tomato. Boring with big boobies. Plus, she's a pageant girl. Egggh.

My picks in order of like so far: Katherine, Paris, Lisa Tucker.