Tabloid Whore!



Dumb Ass!

Last night's Laguna Beach on MTV was good, good stuff. Probably the best episode of the season. So, sorry, this is a really long wrap up. Once again, Jason did not disappoint and proved himself to still be the biggest dumb fu*k around. Not to mention, L.C. finally was pushed to her limit and her horns and claws came out in royal fashion. Oh how I loved it! Before I get into that, I want to give a cheer to my cutie Trey, back in Laguna for the summer. Oh how I have missed that fab "lets save the world" indie rebel who is hot in his messy, cute, brainy way. Loves him!! You know when Trey is in town there will be a cause to help and a fashion show to put on. Laguna Beach had massive mudslides a while back where tons of long time residents lost their homes. I remember seeing it on the news and it was some crazy ass shit. So, my hero Trey tells the Laguna kids to get off the asses they have been sitting on & drinking coffee with since he left for college and help him with "Fight The Slide 2005"--a way to raise money for the people who lost their homes. A little side note for those who were thinking, "why do these rich Laguna Beach people need a fundraiser?" Well, the majority of the people who had homes in that area were long time residents who did not have the wealth of the Laguna people we watch on TV every week.
O.K. So, on to "Fight The Slide 2005". In a moment that was true entertainment, we finally got to hear Talan and his so-called "musical talents." Oh dear, he just sounded absolutely off key and horrible!!! Ya, good luck with that record you're making buddy. Even the girls were laughing at the idea of it before it all happened. Alex M. sang too and, not terribly impressed either, but better than Talan. O.K. so after the horrible singing the best part of the episode came up where L.C., who was running the fashion show for the event sees Whore Jessica sitting and dancing around on Jason's lap during Talan's song. Yes, I will call her "Whore Jessica" now because I am disgusted after the past few episodes that she goes and blows Jason every time he gets a new girlfriend, so she will no doubt be branded "whore." SO pathetic, sister...really. Anyway, L.C. sees the whole thing and pulls Jason aside telling him that she doesn't like seeing girls on his lap just like he doesn't like seeing her talk to other guys. Jason apologizes and actually spoke to her in real sentences other than "Uh, duh, I don't know," which shows he must really like L.C. OH! And he told her he was "obsessed" with her and wanted to be with her all the time, blabidyboo.
L.C. seemed to accept his apology but still lashed out at Whore Jessica with a fabulous "Right now you're a very rude girl. You're sitting on everyone's are like a 2 year old, you can't even listen to me!" and then instructs hair and makeup "JUST FIX THE HAIR & MAKE-UP, PUT HER IN CLOTHES AND IF SHE FALLS, IT'S HER FAULT!" Go L.C.! Where has that side been to you all this time? Whore Jessica was not having any of that and decides to run after Jason and tell him some pathetic line like "I was looking for you, I just want to be with you..." and takes Jason head and pulls him in to kiss. Then, Jason returns to knucklehead land and kisses her back. IDIOT!!!! Of course, L.C. turned her head and saw the very moment Jason decides to kiss Whore Jessica back. I'm sure every girl watching could relate to her moment of shock and the "OHHH MY GODDDD" that came out of her mouth. Unfortunately, she missed the whole part where Whore Jessica pulled his head in to kiss him and therefore thought that Jason was the one who started it. Well, I don't care who's head was pulled first, that asshole Jason was at fault because he leaned in and kissed Whore Jessica back AND THEN WALKED OFF TO THE STAIRWELL WITH HER!! I don't even have to write what went on in that stairwell, I'm sure. To make matters worse, after Whore Jessica most likely blew Jason in said stairwell, he proceeds to kiss her several times in full view of everyone!!! WHAT?! Seriously, like what just happened??? How many others were yelling "what the fuck are you doing???!" at their television sets? Oh my God, Jason is just. so. dumb.
Then, he has the balls to walk up to L.C. and act like he was just doing nothing the past hour and that he didn't kiss Whore Jessica and that she didn't give him a hummer in the stairwell. L.C. being the college girl she is and now "so beyond anything highschool" told Jason to get the hell away from her and not touch her. He kept trying to chase her around saying "be mature" (um, hello?) until Deeter dramatically pulled the curtain closed so Jason could not get near L.C. How much do we love Deeter now after L.C. was about to break into tears and he hugs her and said, "it's ok, just hold it, just hold it," so she wouldn't cry in front of Jason and everyone else. Deeter you are hero #2 after Trey! Not to mention when he pulled Jason aside and confronted him about Whore Jessica and said that their friendship is not alright if he did anything bad to L.C. and then whips out the Sidekick and calls Whore Jessica on speaker to find out who kissed who. Whore Jessica, in her stupidity and because we now know she lies about EVERYTHING says some shit like, "I didn't kiss Jason, why would I kiss Jason, ever?" Then Deeter tells her off too and calls her something like stupid and pathetic (ha! this is his ex-g/f!). Jason is now tormented over the fact that he royally screwed things up with L.C. (someone who is sooo way to good for him) over ding bat Whore Jessica. The episode ends with him sitting alone like a wounded puppy while L.C. says her goodbyes to everyone and proceeds to pull a full Kelly Clarkson on him and does the walkaway without even giving the loser a look-back. Ha!

Laguna Beach Finale

Laguna Beach: LC Gets Her Own Show
Laguna Beach: What's Happening Now
Laguna Beach's Kristin Lands Movie Role
Laguna Beach Recap: LC and Jason, DUNZO!
L.C and Jason? Oh. My. Gaw.
Laguna Beach Secrets


Blogger Kristi said...

I don't like LC, but last night I felt SO bad for her. She didn't deserve that.

7:34 PM, November 01, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too bad LC and Jason are still together as we speak....or type.

11:01 AM, November 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've noticed that on the past episodes everyone has been wearing these orange wrist bands i was just wondering what they say.

3:27 PM, November 03, 2005  
Blogger Tabloid Whore! said...

I dont know what they say, but they are for dieters charity running home for teens. you can find them here:

7:21 PM, November 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You don't like LC? Who doesn't like LC? She is the coolest, and for sure the prettiest on the show. I actually liked her and Jason together, but she is way too good for him. How do you know they are together now???

6:40 PM, November 14, 2005  

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