Tabloid Whore!



"Um, let's get real Tabloid Whore, I totally knew you were spying on me."

Today is a relatively slow gossip day, so you can imagine my joy when I was out to lunch and came face to face with the one and only Alec Baldwin. Of course, living in Los Angeles everyone puts on the "I didn't really see you and even if I did, I don't really give a shit who you are" look when you see a celebrity (one that TW has perfected brilliantly, thank you very much), so kids, let me tell ya, for a whole 20 mins the lovely Mr. Baldwin had no idea there was an undercover snoop sitting right across from him watching his every move. I'll refrain from naming the exact place where we had lunch as to protect Alec Baldwin and TW from the cuckoo stalkers floating around the neighborhood, but let me just tell you...yes, Baldwin and I both like to frequent a place that rhymes with the words "hiccup dicks." Although we sat at two separate tables, I was across from him while he stood at the counter and ordered his lunch while simultaneously talking on one of those big, obnoxious, cell phone headsets (ugh, you gotta love that.) As I watched him, all I kept thinking was, "gee, he is NOT as fat, angry and sweaty as i've always thought!"
I suddenly remembered I had just got a new camera cellphone on the weekend and was like, "I owe it to my peeps to sneak a picture of him! That is what a good Tabloid Whore would do!" So, I brilliantly placed the phone on the table and snapped an undercover gorilla-style photo of Baldwin, but then got so scared he'd see and come yell at me, I totally F'd up and snapped my camera closed before saving the photo. Oops. Hey, I barely know how to work the damn thing, so sorry. After that, I was too nervous to attempt another shot, I'm sorry I failed you all. Boo hoo. As Baldwin sat at a table about 10 feet away directly facing me, I was entertaining myself throughout lunch with thoughts about going up to him and saying some shit like, "gosh, I love Sean Hannity so much, what's your problem with the guy?" just to see his reaction, but of course I didn't. Once again, my fantasy is always better than my reality. I really wanted to ask him about how he claimed Kim Basinger brainwashed their daughter against him with chocolate or even talk to him about the awesome job he did on Nip/Tuck...but I didn't. I know, I know, I let you down again. I suddenly felt guilty about spying on the guy and invading his privacy when all he was trying to do was have a simple lunch out alone. What can I say? My conscious got the best of me. Maybe I'm not really cut out to be a tabloid spy after all. Plus, he seemed really nice smiling at the lady who delivered his food and I'm a sucker for that. Ahh, just another day living in L.A.....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is L.A., you of all peeps should be used to seeing celeberties, it's not like it was
your favorite, Tom Cruise.

2:51 PM, May 31, 2006  
Blogger Tabloid Whore! said...

2:51pm- As I said in the post, "It's been a slow gossip day," so what's the point of your comment?

3:14 PM, May 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved this post! I also respect you for not going nuts trying to get proof of your sighting. I live here too and you just see dozens of people, work with a few, live in the same building/neighborhood... or like you, during lunch sometimes at a nearby table. Glad he was a little better looking than some of the recent 'zine shots. Fun lunch...

4:03 PM, May 31, 2006  
Blogger Tabloid Whore! said...

Thanks 4:03! Yah, the point was just to tell a funny little story about seeing him and the fact that normally I wouldn't do anything, but how having the blog made me feel like I should attempt something, but failed miserably with the camera phone, spying and what not. Thanks for getting it.

4:21 PM, May 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're cute, tabloid (chick). That's the kind of thing I'd do - panic and shut the camera phone without saving the photo.

4:23 PM, May 31, 2006  
Anonymous kristi said...

I'm still laughing at "hiccup dicks."


5:58 PM, May 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TW, it really has been a slow gossip few days spite of the birth of the messiah...I loved your story. Those kinds of stories are great on busy gossip days too though, a nice break from the usual.

4:47 AM, June 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Long, loooong ago, he used to visit the restaurant I worked in kinda regularly. He was always really nice, friendly and left good tips!

5:42 AM, June 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep. Totally agree with 4:47. Even on busy days, these are charming stories and really separate your blog from the others! Plus, we start to think about our own celeb sightings which is fun.

Glad to read that Mr. Baldwin gave good tips... he always gets so much bad press.

11:25 AM, June 01, 2006  
Blogger Kat in da Hat said...

I've totally closed the phone without saving in fear that someone knew.

Isn't running into lame celebrities fun!?!

11:37 AM, June 01, 2006  

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