OPRAH DIDN'T KILL NO STINKIN' BIRD!

I repeat, Oprah Winfrey and the windshield of her private jet did not kill an innocent bird, as erroneously reported by several news sources yesterday. Oprah's plane had to go back to the airport when the windshield became cracked and it was first thought to have been damaged by a bird flying into it. To the relief of millions of concerned Americans, a Santa Barbara Fire Dept spokesman said, "It's unlikely a bird was involved. The pilot did tell my captain that he felt it was a fatigue thing with the glass." How much you wanna bet Oprah dropped them a couple hundies to say that so PETA wouldn't get all up in her ass!

Source: PEOPLE