Tabloid Whore!



The episode begins with Lauren and Heidi having coffee and Heidi breaks the horrid news to Lauren that she decided to give Spencer another chance at their pathetic, one sided relationship. Lauren tells Heidi that Spencer is just like Jason with all the mind tricks he plays, but Heidi protests and throws out the first of many cliched pathetic girl excuses and tells her, "It's different!!" Lauren is having none of that and straight up tells Heidi that Spencer is "not a good person." But Heidi, with her brain shoved so far up her ass, declares that she is staying with Spencer and here we go with excuse #2, is "just going to have fun and see what happens." Heidi continues her delusional rant and tells Lauren how she thinks Spencer "still could change" (excuse #3). Lauren, being the wonderful friend she is, tells Heidi she will always be there for her, but it doesn't change the fact that she doesn't like Spencer and from this point on, refuses to hang out with him. Then, pouring a little more salt in the "your boyfriend totally sucks" wound, Lauren adds "and I'll be there for you when he screws you over. Because he will." Tee-hee!

Next up, Spencer and Heidi meet for lunch, where he brings her a HUGE bouquet of red roses. Spencer makes sure to tell Heidi that she better like the flowers because "he broke the piggy bank" to get them for her. CUH-LASSY! Heidi starts telling Spencer how she is all stressed out because Lauren hates his cheesy ass and compares the situation with her and Spencer to the relationship Lauren had with Jason. Spencer, probably trying to hide his delight at the prospect that his messed up relationship with Heidi will land him one of the main stories on The Hills like it did Jason, asks if "the exact same situation in reverse" is happening with the two of them. Heidi, digging her denial ditch deeper and deeper, tells Spencer that he would never treat her the way Jason treated Lauren. When Spencer asks Heidi if Lauren has any idea how much he loves her, Heidi tells him, "no one does." Gee. Wake up and ring the freakin' alarm sweetheart. At least Jason allegedly had coke as an excuse for being a dick. After that, Spencer, with his creepy ass, capped tooth grin, changes the subject and asks Heidi if they are "having a slumber party" that night. Not surprisingly, Heidi responds by practically jumping down on her knees, paws in the air, panting like a dog at the thought of slumbering with Spencer. Don't forget your birth control this time Heidi! We wouldn't want another close call!

Later over at Hillside Villas, Heidi comes bouncing in with her big bouquet of roses, telling Lauren, "Look! Spencer got you some flowers!" That's right, she lied and told Lauren Spencer got Lauren the flowers. Lauren just looks at Heidi, unamused and unimpressed and says, "Aw, that was really nice of him! Is he going to give them to Audrina tomorrow?" Beautiful. I am so loving sassy, smart-ass Lauren! As the flowers sit alongside her on the couch, Lauren completely blows off the flowers and instead, shows more excitement when she tells Heidi she got them a bunch of turkey to eat. Sadly, Heidi doesn't seem as excited about the turkey and instead, goes in her room and throws a bunch of clothes in a bag for her slumber party. Soon after, she walks back into the living room and tells Lauren she is spending the night elsewhere. Upon hearing this, Lauren looks extremely repulsed, because as we learned in last week's episode, she totally sucks at working the poker face. After Heidi leaves, Audrina calls Lauren and invites her over for dinner. Lauren jumps at the invitation and when she arrives at Audrina's, she breaks the news that Heidi wimped out and is giving Spencer another chance. The two girls end up bonding over dinner as they laugh about what a loser Spencer is and how pathetic Heidi has become.

The next day, Heidi and Spencer are out shopping and as they walk down the street and Spencer keeps annoyingly twirling Heidi around and around as they talk, Heidi says she wants him to come to 'the club' with her and Lauren that night. In a shocking move, Spencer says, "I don't want to go to 'da club' anymore. All 'da club' does is create conflict." Then he starts ragging on Lauren, telling Heidi how Lauren will rat on him when he tries to pick up on other chicks and it will just cause problems. He then admits to Heidi that he really doesn't like Lauren because she isn't nice to him and neener, neener, neener. *eye roll*

That night, Heidi, Lauren and two-toned Jen meet up at 'da club' and inside, Spencer and Brody are also there. So much for Spencer not going to 'da club' anymore, huh? Audrina is also there and as she chats with some dude, she notices Spencer is all over another girl. Sadly, Heidi isn't around to see this (why isn't she watching him like a hawk?), but Audrina makes sure to point it out to Lauren. Lauren watches and shoots daggers from her eyes as some blond chick has her arms draped around Spencer's neck. Then, dumb ass Spencer gets nailed by the cameras & mic attached to him as he is caught telling the girl (which was also written in subtitles) "Lick my neck and I will **** trust me." MTV muted the word that he said, but if you ask me, it looked like he said a particular word that begins with a "C." UGH! After seeing that Spencer is still disgusting and retched, Lauren tells Audrina she is going to get Heidi out of there immediately. But before she could do that, Spencer stops Lauren and tells her, "we are so making peace, by the way. You can hate me that is fine." Lauren tells him that she doesn't hate him, only that she told her friend not to date him. When Spencer calls Lauren out on the smack she talked about him, Lauren tells Spencer that every time she sees his sorry ass, he is hitting on other girls. When Spencer tries to feed Lauren more bullshit, Lauren tells him she doesn't want to talk to him anymore and walks away. After this little scene, Heidi walks over to Lauren and asks if she's okay. Somehow, even after Lauren tells Heidi Spencer was just yelling at her, Lauren ends up being the one who takes a cab home and Spencer ends up getting a hug from Heidi. Huh.

The next day, Lauren goes over to Brody Jenner's place and they discuss the whole Spencer/Heidi nightmare. Brody tells Lauren that Spencer feels threatened by her because she is always telling Heidi about the bad shit Spencer pulls with other chicks. Lauren doesn't want to hear any excuses for Spencer's behavior and fighting back tears, tells Brody that she would never chose a guy over a friend. Later that day (and after Lauren is gone), Spencer shows up at Brody's. The two of them rehash the whole stupid situation, blah, blah, blah. When Brody mentions that one of the reasons why Lauren hates Spencer is because of the whole Heidi/Audrina rose debacle, Spencer with his big ass teeth starts to laugh and tells Brody how Heidi gave Lauren her flowers pretending they were from him. Spencer adds that he would never spend a dollar on Lauren.

Over at Bolthouse, Heidi gets a call from Spencer and he tells her everything Brody told him about Lauren. (Sidebar: at this point, I am sooo completely over and bored with these two, so forgive me if this is getting a little dull). When Spencer tells Heidi that Lauren said Heidi was unhappy, Heidi reassures Spencer saying that she is the "happiest she has ever been in her whole life." Spencer then tells Heidi he doesn't understand how she can still live with Lauren considering he is not allowed at the apartment, blah, blah and Heidi wishes everything could be "back to normal." Seriously, I wish Heidi was still dating that crying weasel Jordan from season one. Unlike Spencer, at least he was nice to look at. Zzzzzzzz.............

Next, after having a montage with shots of Lauren looking incredibly sad (or possibly just incredibly bored like me), she walks into her apartment to find Heidi in the kitchen. As Lauren goes straight for the turkey in the refrigerator, Heidi tells her she doesn't want it to be the way it has been between them for the past week and a half and adds that she doesn't think it's fair to have to chose between Lauren and Spencer. Lauren looks at Heidi like she is crazy and is like, "um, you have chosen for the last week and a half bitch." The two proceed to argue back and forth about Spencer and their friendship and then, when Lauren makes a comment about Spencer having to buy Lauren flowers for forgiveness, Heidi tells her, "Those were my flowers! I was just joking... like, here...Spencer bought you flowers, I thought it was funny!" Upon hearing this, LAUREN IS NOT AMUSED BY THIS ADMISSION AT ALL. She just gives Heidi a dead stare and walks away telling her, "I don't even want to talk to you..." and then slams her bedroom door. After that, Heidi starts packing up all her shit in a big suitcase, presumably off to you-know-who's and finally, the episode is over.

Fear not, the excitement returns next week on The Hills when Lauren's friend, two-toned Jen, goes after Brody!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Heidi; magazine spread, album coming out, one ass of a boyfriend and no friends. Yup sounds good to me!

Thanks TW for the update, love the blog.

11:17 AM, February 20, 2007  
Anonymous karen said...

poor lauren! her, whitney and audrina should form their own lil click and ditch heidi and jen.

12:02 PM, February 20, 2007  
Blogger LVGurl said...

I am amazed, as usual, at the amount of detail you pack into your recaps. Heidi, hmmm, not so bright. I'm still worried about the poopie.

Is it just me, or does Spencer sound like a poor man's Matthew McConnaughey when he talks?

3:41 PM, February 20, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spencer is not cute....AT ALL. He's clearly with her to be on tv. The dude she dated last season was so much better. I still can't believe Spencer went off on her co-workers about two episodes aago. That was so crazy. AND...he's such a girl. I've never seen a dude stir up so much trouble with his gossipy catiness...and he never tells it like it was. HATE SPENCER!

...but Lauren is all up in the biz, and that's not cool either. you told your friend your opinion, and now it's her choice, without the "i told you so" attitude.

6:42 PM, February 20, 2007  
Blogger Kat in da Hat said...

I've been dying to know what Heidi thinks of Spencer now that the shows are on and show him in all his scummy glory.

9:45 AM, February 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, it's not cool that Lauren takes it so personal. Heidi will learn whether she tells her or not. My sister dates a loser, but I would never disown her for it.

1:50 PM, February 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate spencer, who the hell is he anyways, why is that when heidi is at work spencer is driving or lounging around somehwere, why would heidi want to be with a 20 some year old kid who doesnt have one single dollar that is his, and not his parents. CAP TOOTH SPENCER MAKES ME SICK!

12:31 AM, February 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lauren is too up all in it. Grow up & let your girl check herself! BTW - Jen is repulsive. Why is she even on the show? My fav part was a couple of weeks ago when Lauren met up with Brody and Spencer (think the only time I thought he was amusing) asked her to stand so Brody could sit next to Lauren. Classic!!!! The ugly girl stands alone :) GREAT recap...tx


6:24 AM, February 22, 2007  
Anonymous Aimee said...

The point is this - Lauren and Heidi are friends and it sucks to see your friend willingly choose to be with a spaz and sorry excuse for a sack of flesh (aka Spencer). Heidi KNOWS what Spencer is, but she's making bad choices right now, as many of us have done. I feel sorry for Lauren, but eventually she will realize there's absolutely nothing she can do. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to look out after her girl. If you truly care, it's very hard to turn your cheek when you see a bad situation like this.

Love your recaps by the way!!!

8:46 AM, February 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lauren has told Heidi time after time what a scum Spencer is. Its a shame she doesn't see what scum Brody is too, birds of a feather.... catch my drift. Anyway, enough talk about someone who is so not good looking. They all need to get over Spencer. Hopefully LC meets another cutie who has nothing to do with Spencer, Brody, Heidi or Jen. Oh and se should hang out more with Whitney and Audrina. Drama free fun.....

8:12 PM, February 26, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or are the boys on this show, esp. Spencer, the dumbest bunch you've ever seen?

I think Heidi may be deaf, dumb and blind to date Spencer. He is a jackass with giant fake teeth. Scary.
Honestly, she may deserve him after the way she is treating Lauren.

At least Lauren has some back bone, but she needs to focus on her cooler friends: Whitney and Audrina

5:50 PM, March 11, 2007  

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