Tabloid Whore!

9.22.2006

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK: COCAINE ENERGY DRINK

The name says it all.

Ugh. If those crap sugar "energy" drinks weren't bad enough, a new one has hit the market called, "Cocaine." Yeah, yeah, don't get excited people, the drink doesn't actually contain any of the real drug, but the name alone is enough for me to give the drink itself, and its inventor Jamey Kirby, the crown of co-"Dumbass's of The Week." According to ABC News, this drink is supposed to "give a person a "high" coupled with a tingly euphoric feeling within five minutes of drinking it. That initial boost is followed 15 minutes later by an energy buzz that will last five to six hours." Oh, and not to mention contains a "throat-numbing" ingredient that emulates the numbing affects of real cocaine.
Whatever. I'm sure a bunch of you will be like, "ooh I want to try that!" and if you are an adult and you want to put that crap in your body instead of having energy from lets say, eating healthy and working out, do it. But to market something with a name like this, when tweens, teens, etc will be drinking this shit (cuz you know they do), how long before one stupid kid is like, "Ohhh me likey this buzz and my throat feeling all numb, real cocaine must be even better!!" Real smart. Dumbass!
Source: ABC News

44 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is why kids now-a-days skip smoking weed and go straight to shooting heroin. Yeah, let's let 'em feel what it's like to be high. Fucking idiots.

12:02 PM, September 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the mother freaking what?

I can't even deal with crap like this. How does a product like this get approved to be marketed and sold and supposidly we're trying to fight the war on drugs!

Obviously those folks don't have children. And when they do...

1:09 PM, September 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The religious right freaks about everything, write a billion letters a year, and generate a ton of money. Where are those crazy bastards when we really need them? Are they selling this shit in the Bible belt, cuz someone needs to make some noise about it! I'm with anon 12:02...fucking idiots!

1:30 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger Rubygirl214 said...

Are you fucking KIDDING me??? How did this ever get past the FDA????? The FCC is on everyones ass non-stop for any form of profanity, but a drink called "Cocaine" is allowed into our grocery stores!!?? This guy should definitely be added to thephatphree.com and their "50 people in need of a viscious beating" list!!!

5:31 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger get in mah belly said...

what's the big deal? it is a fad and like every fad it will pass. i'm thirsty! lmao

9:03 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger Syd said...

I'd try it. Don't really see the big deal.

8:01 AM, September 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

syd...you probably don't have children right?

Not a big deal? Are YOU kidding me?

Please take another moment to think about what possible impact this could have on tweens and teens. THINK ABOUT IT!

Do you even care about the next generation?

9:47 AM, September 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I know I would sue the son of a bitch if my kid starting drinking it and it lead to the real thing. Fucking idiot.
So Parents remember the lawsuits from tabacco companies, this should be a easy win.

10:21 AM, September 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is our fucking goverment. I suppose sucking down a $100 steak in D.C. and charing it to us.
Our goverment is a joke.

10:24 AM, September 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anyone find a e-mail for the asshole. Let's go after it

10:28 AM, September 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are all retarded!! Think about this, If it wasnt called cocaine then everyone would drink it and no one would ever have a problem with the drink! Durghgrhg. RETARDS. Its the name that pisses you all off. If I called it RSB Energy Drink, Everyone would enjoy it like it was just another energy drink. So DEAL with it.

2:58 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It gives you less caffiene than an espresso drink. No one seems to have a problem with those!! The only thing thats different is the numbing feeling in your throat! So whats the big deal? STUPID ASSES.

3:03 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please... with the cryen , u parents are buncha immature parents obviously sayen... LETS GET THAT EMAIL AND GO AFTER THEM , shut ur face... ur words typed on a email doesnt matter and ur little group of 5 dont matter anyway , the drinks called cocaine , word up .. and its stronger then red bull? word up! , if a crazy drug comes out called redbull , and people start taken it cause they like the drink redbull should redbull be taken off the market? ummm? nope... stop talking , and drink the drink , are next generation will be jumping off the fucking walls and everyone's jobs will get done quicker ;) seeeyaaaa

4:34 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny because the state turns down so many license plates for possible obscenity. Even if you're Frank And Rita Thomas, you can't put FART on your license plate.

So screw this cocaine thing. It's worse if it does become popular, because then kids are already pre-conditioned to try real cocaine. Normally I don't like to encourage the government to block a business.... but this name has gotta go!

5:05 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like a great product.

If your kids do coke it's your fault for raising them badly.

I'm going to go buy some of this stuff.

5:05 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stuff taste pretty good don't know why all of you are bitchin about it

11:00 PM, September 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's all about getting the buzz, both from the drink and marketing. Cocaine trying to take on Red Bull.

8:31 AM, September 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When an anonymous post rolls out and all the cussin starts, and people say I just had some cocaine... Listen to yourself. You drank Cocaine and started yelling obscenities. If drinking Cocaine makes me jumpy and rude, I think the name is proper, and yet the drink itself is screwed up.

10:47 AM, September 25, 2006  
Blogger Justin said...

I agree that marketing the cocaine energy drink might not be the best idea. No one wants their kids thinking that cocaine is good for you. However, I do not think that all energy drinks are bad for you. I have reviewed quite a few energy drinks at Energy Drink Ratings and some are not that bad for you. I usually have one a day and most energy drinks have less caffeine than a cup of coffee. In moderation they can be fine. I eat healthy and workout 4 - 5 times a week and do not see anything wrong with getting a little extra energy.

12:20 PM, September 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

4:34 is a prime example of what doing drugs can do to your brain!
WTF???????????

3:38 PM, September 25, 2006  
Anonymous Kim said...

It was actually a smart idea on his part as far as marketing. A name like that will get attention, and therefore sales.

But honestly after you described it I really DON'T want to try that! I dont want any drink that does that to me, it's kind of scary. Who knows what ingredients are in it!

6:13 PM, September 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear they are going to have a website up by Friday fighting this drink. They say click on hatecocaine.com on Friday and buy a book to help get this off store shelves...I will be there.

1:15 AM, September 27, 2006  
Anonymous lola said...

Commenting on comments:
I loved description "crazy bastards"
Why would this product require FDA approval?
True with a different no one would bitch..apparently the point escaped you..the product isnt the problem. It's the what it's called (who is the retard).

6:22 PM, September 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of you reflect your ignorance reflected in your profaine and limited, vulgar vocabularly. Your bad language is simply a reflection of your obviously blue collar upbringing and lack of education. Try going back to school and learning the English language.

8:48 AM, September 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

got news for you all "myspace" is already crawling with this with youngsters screaming for it. sad but true. kids grab at things that are "out there" and this kirby guy (who happens to be a part of my family, didnt say i was too proud!)
he knows that. cus even at 40-something, he is one of them... a youngster... smart one though, he will make his $$

5:57 AM, October 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and for the comment above my last one.... i dont think being "blue collar" has anything to do with lack of aducation or ignorance... "blue collar" is ok, as is "white collar"
my father is "blue collar" he wouldnt go as far as to say some of these things that these people have said. its bad to stereo-type a group like that. fool.

7:46 AM, October 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get the stick out of your ass 8:48....and yes, I said ASS. Us blue-collared hillbilly's need to stick together.

6:35 PM, October 01, 2006  
Anonymous Pat Noel said...

ALL YOU Stupid asses need to realise that if you dont want your kids to drink the stuff dont let them and if your kid is thinking that hhhmmmm this stuff is good im gonna go try the real stuff you are a bad parent that didnt teach your kid anything. OMG if they wanna sell it go ahead its legal to sell espresso why the hell not cocaine energy drink this stuff rocks whoever drinks it rocks and ure just jealous u didnt think of it first and ure not gonna become a millionair like kirby

1:38 PM, October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heheheh sme of us already are millionares. =)

6:41 PM, October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and amen.... to the bad parenting thing..BUT might I add that even when you have good parents you may still fall in the trap BUT ALAS!!! BUT AGAIN.... but but butt, this isnt about the drug is it? its a drink....


and you dont have to be a millionare to be happy. i know for a fact.ive been really happy and it was only love.

6:43 PM, October 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vote against this product! We need your support! Click here!

1:39 AM, October 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your all idiots

6:57 AM, October 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If your kid tries cocaine because of an energy drink. Your little bastard (or bitch) needs a beating. Leave the fuckin drink alone, its only named like that for attenion, and guess what? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Find something worth it to complain about!

1:44 PM, October 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

6:57 learn how to spell! you are an idiot.

10:02 AM, October 06, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Dear God...

Now, how many of you parents with such wonderful children went to hatecocaine.com and bought a book.
The website is owned and operated by the Sister of the guy who created the drink.
By buying a book through B&N, you are creating commissions for her, So she can make her $$$ too..

I love the sincere stupidity of some people.

And most of the Anon's above are right... Bring your Kids up correctly and you REALLY shouldn't have a problem with them snorting coke..
I tried snorting it, it took me 2 hours to get the Ice cubes from my nose...

11:10 PM, October 09, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just a marketing ploy just like DEATH cigharettes....
Remember the controversy when those came out?
rembmer DEATH cigharettes?
remember?
remember?
does anybody remember?....exactly.

11:37 AM, October 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont get why people are makin such a big deal out of it. the harmless drink is gonna become illegal because of the amount of people that are going against the drink, which will call for higher demand from the people that want the drink. just like DRUGz.. because they're illegal, they're MORE harmful, people charge and pay MORE and its a huge mess. its ridiculous how a drink, just cuz its called cocaine might become illegal because of the people against it. whatever you all say, it just might get kirby even richer.

12:56 PM, October 19, 2006  
Anonymous Jamey Kirby said...

This is Jamey Kirby, the creator of the drink. Guess what? I do not have a sister :) So, hatecocaine.com has nothing to do with me.

Jamey

8:10 PM, December 24, 2006  
Blogger Erin said...

FUCK YEAH!! i cant wait to try the drink, hopefully its as good as the real thing.

and for all those annoying old people and even MORE annoying fundamentalists, calm the hell down. its a DRINK. jesus, its like they were bottling the real powder. go read the bible and shut up.

6:06 PM, January 02, 2007  
Anonymous mark said...

hey parents, im a kid who is a stoner and comming from me when parents tried to help take away weed by giving me drugtests for drugs, i did some stupid shit to get high and atill be able to pass, this drink isnt gonna influence your kid to do coke, if anything they will look at this as a safe way to get a buz and if you take shit like this away from us we will only do the real shit and if your a good enough parent, you should be able to talk to your kid and influence them to not do drugs

10:33 AM, January 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK so here's the 411 on whats really going on. Because parents, lets be honost you don't know your kid as well as you think you do.
We kids like energy drinks because they taste good. We also like the idea of finally having fun through an increase in our sugar levels. It is a healthier alternative to alcohol and cigarettes.
I can hardly imagine that a kid would recognize the burning sensation of actual cocaine. lets face it they haven't tried it (good for them). But lets be honost, when they came out with those little candy cigarettes, these kids didn't go out and become chain smoker. This product won't cause your kids to become an addict. its all up to you to prevent it.

9:28 AM, January 29, 2007  
Blogger Max said...

Your kid will or will not do cocaine based on his or her personal opinions on the drug; the fact that you think a small-market energy drink being sold will be responsible for your children using cocaine shows a lot about the intelligence of your child and/or how you percieve them.

4:38 PM, February 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a 13 year old kid, and here's my input on the subject. I live in Michigan and I go to a school, don't have the best grades, but I get through. I drink energy drinks every now and again, but one day me and my friend went to the local corner store to purchase our fav. energy drink "Monster". We know not to go overboard with ED [Energy Drinks], so we limit ourselves. We heard about "Cocaine Energy" a while ago, and when we heard it had the energy of 3 Red Bulls, we went crazy with anticipation. We were in the store and the owner said "We just got Cocaine" so we knew what he was talking about, and went to the fridge. Sure enough, it was there and we bought some. It was pretty nice tasting, so we went back tomorrow for some more. Nothing wrong here right? Exactly. So unless you don't even talk to your children, they probably won't be influenced too hard by a beverage. TALK TO THEM!! Druggie Teens are prodigies of bad parents. Stop COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS WONDERFUL BEVERAGE YOU BITCH ASS PARENTS OUT THERE!!! Jesus Christ, grow some balls and tell your kids that you are proud of them and not for them to do drugs and what-not.

6:58 PM, February 10, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

6:58 - MY ASS that you are a 13 year old kid!!! 13 year olds dont write like that--just shows it was probably someone who works for this dumb ass drink or the creator himself. Haven't even heard about the drink anywhere lately, guess your cocaine buzz already wore off. Too bad! HAHAHAHAHA!

9:00 PM, February 10, 2007  

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