"THE HILLS" RECAP: LAUREN GOES TO NY & HEIDI DOES GRUNT WORK.

Here's episode 3 of The Hills recap. It's another long one, so if you don't watch the show, just skip over it. I don't want no lip people!

IMHO, last night's episode of The Hills was just so-so. It started off with dingbat Heidi trying to figure out what she was going to wear for her first day of work at Bolthouse. She tells Lauren, "I'm not sure what to wear? Should I wear heels? It's my first real job!" Ok, let's stop right there. Where was this concern when she went on the job interview and just threw on a pair of jeans? Again, another example of Heidi being backasswards. Lauren chimes in, "Always dress nicer than you think you should." and "You know you're really going to have to work, don't you?" To where Heidi then talks about how excited she is about running around like crazy and meeting celebrities. At this point I can barely breath because I'm so excited to watch this dingbat get her reality check when she starts her first day as a second assistant and let me tell you, Brent Bolthouse did not disappoint.

Next, we see the infamous scene where Blake tells Lauren she has to fly to New York to deliver a dress to scary lady Linda Love for fashion week. He hands her a garment bag (probably stuffed with sheets or something fake) and Lauren tells him she will guard it with her life. She then rushes home with the dress and tells Heidi she has to get ready go to New York in an hour. I was stunned that dingbat Heidi didn't say, "oooh, let me see!!!" and pull the dress out of the garment back and try it on. Could there actually be hope for the girl?! Lauren doesn't know what to pack since she has no idea if she is going for a couple days, who knows, maybe even possibly a whole week! Then she jumps on a plane to NY and when she arrives, she goes into the bathroom to change into her Marc Jacobs outfit for the Marc by Marc Jacobs fashion show. Ooohlala! I loves me some Marc Jacobs! Anyway, I'm not even going to get into the fact that Lauren went to change clothes in a stall all while leaving her huge ass suitcase wide open in the airport bathroom for anyone to rummage through. Honey! You ain't in Laguna anymore! This is New York City! Ahhh, to be young and naive. So, Lauren puts on her cute little fashion show outfit and goes on over to meet up with scary lady at the show. She gets there and is forced to awkwardly stand with the garment bag until she is noticed while scary lady is having a conversation with someone else. Then, the worst happens...scary lady turns and sees Lauren and thanks her for the dress and then basically tells her to get her ass back on a plane to Los Angeles right now. No watching the Marc by Marc Jacobs fashion show for Lauren. I cried for her.

Ok, so in between all this nonsense we saw that other girl Audrina get asked out by that dude with the brown hair. They are so boring. He came to her work and she showed him around and lucky for him, a Maxim photoshoot was going on. They end up going to dinner together and are still really boring. So boring, I'm not even going to talk about them further.

Heidi arrives to her first day of work dressed up all lovely in a black suit with her hair pulled back (again, where was this during the interview?). Brent Bolthouse tells her she is going to be assisting the whole company and tells her if she wants to be there, she is going to have to work and adds, "The way it works is you sink or you swim." Hahahha! Love it! Heidi's first assignment is to go in a room and stuff envelopes with interns. Heidi is mortified. When she finds out the intern sitting next to her goes to FIDM, she proudly tells her, "Oh! I just dropped out," to where the intern looks at her like she is crazy. Heidi then has to run to the bathroom to make a call to Lauren while sitting her nice outfit on a bathroom toilet. I don't even remember what they talked about since the whole time I was wondering how she could sit her nice outfit on a toilet seat that had no cover. Oh the germs and the horror! By the end of the day Heidi has just had enough with this job and decides she must talk to Brent Bolthouse. She informs him that she thought the job would be part time and not the horrible workhorse hours of 9am - 6pm and that she was horrified that she had to stuff envelopes instead of running around and partying with celebrities. Some other lady in the company that was in on the meeting set her straight and rolled her eyes and was like, "honey, you gotzta crawl before you walk." Again, Heidi was not pleased. When she told her loafer boyfriend Jordan the next morning about her horrible new dream job he gave her the brilliant suggestion of, "don't go to work, just lay in bed all day. Quit." Sigh. The youth of today. Just when you think it couldn't get worse (or better for us watching), Heidi goes to her second day of work and Brent Bolthouse tells her she has to handle travel for some of the executives and also asks her to get him a sandwich. YES! Again, Heidi was not pleased and just stared at him. At this point I want to marry Brent Bolthouse.

Alright, so the episode ends with Lauren arriving home from NY only to get a voicemail from ex-boyfriend Jason. He says that he has moved to LA and if she wants to hang out to give him a call. Lauren just stands there stunned with her mouth hanging open. After that, we see her go to her class at FIDM where all she can do is stare out the window and think about meathead Jason's message. Finally next week we will have some REAL drama on The Hills when Jason sends Lauren a huge ass thing of flowers, Heidi is told by Brent Bolthouse everyone is going to Vegas except her because she is under 21 (hee! hee!), and Jason and Lauren meet for dinner where he says now that they are both in Los Angeles, he "wants them to start fresh." Aww.