RANT: AMERICAN IDOL FINAL 11

Tonight's theme was "songs from the 50's" with guest star Barry Manilow. I love Barry!! Thankfully, Paula must have read this column last week, because she had her good wig on again. To make the long ass wrap ups more bearable, I will stick to first thoughts and one or two sentences for each contestant. Please remember that I tend to air on the sarcastic side, so don't all you pissy Idol kooks get all up in my drawers for not doing "proper critiques." If you want to read some great Idol wrap ups from someone who has more patience to critique the actual singing than TW, check out my friends over at Girls Talkin' Smack.

Mandeesa: Although I loved her voice, hair and make up, girlfriend said in her teaser video that she "doesn't know much about Barry Manilow." Hey, the girl is 29 and wants to be a singer, she should know the great Barry Manilow by now. Offensive.

Bucky Covington: "Oh Boy." Thank God they dropped the curling iron this week. Is it just me, or is Bucky starting to look a little hot? Never thought the day would come when I'd be turned on by white trash. The song? Egh.

Paris Bennett: "Fever." Paris, is amazing...I can't- oh! oh! Oh be still my silly little heart! They just showed Constantine Maroulis in the audience wearing these hot little glasses. Who gives a crap about broom head Ryan Cabrera sitting next to him.

Chris Daughtry: "I Walk The Line." W.O.W. He completely turned the song on it's head and made it into something new and brilliant. Oh how much do I love this man?

Katharine McPhee: "Come Rain or Come Shine." I just can't get over what great hair and eyebrows Katharine has. She is so gorgeous with an amazing voice and even though I am not lesbian, I love her. You know Paula was wishing she could have hair like that instead of having to wear a wig.

Taylor Hicks: "Not Fade Away." Taylor's voice sounded great as usual, but the song selection kind of bored me (as Simon would say, "sorry!"). Any man that walks up to Barry Manilow by singing "Mandy" is alright in my book.

Lisa Tucker: "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" Oh gosh, I was bored. Sorry. And I did NOT like her long shorts.

Kevin Covais: "When I fall In Love" Ahhh, Kevin tries so hard. The hand in the pants pocket was fab. He did a wonderful job. Did NOT need to see Jasmine Trias in the audience and she is still wearing that damn flower in her hair.

Elliot Yamin: "Teach Me Tonight." Tonight was the first night I really heard the great voice Simon is talking about with Elliot. Also, that makeover done him good.

Kelly Pickler: "Walking After Midnight." Oh she sounded good, but I still haven't warmed to her. I am not into her stealing Jessica Simpson's "dumb blonde" act. The more I hear her, the more annoying she becomes because it takes away from any smidgen of talent she might have. She is just ridiculous and her dumb act is starting to make her sound like she has a "disability."

Ace Young: "In The Still of the Night." First off, enough with showing the damn little blonde girl in the audience already. It's bad enough we are adults addicted to this show, do we have to be reminded that 7 year olds watch it too?? On to Ace, I'm sorry, but after seeing Constantine in the audience I can't even look at him the same. I bet he was just sitting there watching and thinking, "amateur! quit stealing my hair moves!"