Tabloid Whore!



Tonight's theme was "songs from the 50's" with guest star Barry Manilow. I love Barry!! Thankfully, Paula must have read this column last week, because she had her good wig on again. To make the long ass wrap ups more bearable, I will stick to first thoughts and one or two sentences for each contestant. Please remember that I tend to air on the sarcastic side, so don't all you pissy Idol kooks get all up in my drawers for not doing "proper critiques." If you want to read some great Idol wrap ups from someone who has more patience to critique the actual singing than TW, check out my friends over at Girls Talkin' Smack.

Mandeesa: Although I loved her voice, hair and make up, girlfriend said in her teaser video that she "doesn't know much about Barry Manilow." Hey, the girl is 29 and wants to be a singer, she should know the great Barry Manilow by now. Offensive.

Bucky Covington: "Oh Boy." Thank God they dropped the curling iron this week. Is it just me, or is Bucky starting to look a little hot? Never thought the day would come when I'd be turned on by white trash. The song? Egh.

Paris Bennett: "Fever." Paris, is amazing...I can't- oh! oh! Oh be still my silly little heart! They just showed Constantine Maroulis in the audience wearing these hot little glasses. Who gives a crap about broom head Ryan Cabrera sitting next to him.

Chris Daughtry: "I Walk The Line." W.O.W. He completely turned the song on it's head and made it into something new and brilliant. Oh how much do I love this man?

Katharine McPhee: "Come Rain or Come Shine." I just can't get over what great hair and eyebrows Katharine has. She is so gorgeous with an amazing voice and even though I am not lesbian, I love her. You know Paula was wishing she could have hair like that instead of having to wear a wig.

Taylor Hicks: "Not Fade Away." Taylor's voice sounded great as usual, but the song selection kind of bored me (as Simon would say, "sorry!"). Any man that walks up to Barry Manilow by singing "Mandy" is alright in my book.

Lisa Tucker: "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" Oh gosh, I was bored. Sorry. And I did NOT like her long shorts.

Kevin Covais: "When I fall In Love" Ahhh, Kevin tries so hard. The hand in the pants pocket was fab. He did a wonderful job. Did NOT need to see Jasmine Trias in the audience and she is still wearing that damn flower in her hair.

Elliot Yamin: "Teach Me Tonight." Tonight was the first night I really heard the great voice Simon is talking about with Elliot. Also, that makeover done him good.

Kelly Pickler: "Walking After Midnight." Oh she sounded good, but I still haven't warmed to her. I am not into her stealing Jessica Simpson's "dumb blonde" act. The more I hear her, the more annoying she becomes because it takes away from any smidgen of talent she might have. She is just ridiculous and her dumb act is starting to make her sound like she has a "disability."

Ace Young: "In The Still of the Night." First off, enough with showing the damn little blonde girl in the audience already. It's bad enough we are adults addicted to this show, do we have to be reminded that 7 year olds watch it too?? On to Ace, I'm sorry, but after seeing Constantine in the audience I can't even look at him the same. I bet he was just sitting there watching and thinking, "amateur! quit stealing my hair moves!"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel the exact same way about Kelly...did you notice at the end of her performance Ryan asked her something like "What did you do this week?" and she said "uhhhhh" and he goes "Did you learn anything?" and she pauses and said "Uhhhh my eyelashes are better". Dumb bitch, he was trying to get you to say soemthing about how Barry taught you so much or that you were excited to work with him. She totally pissed me off then. I'm not a Barry fan (sorry TW!!) but he does have enormous talent for writing and changing a song and helped those kids a ton. That was rude to forget all about him.

10:46 AM, March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

here i go again...

I couldn't stand seeing CM in the audience and each time the camera came on him he did his "stare" or the "hand sign". He makes my tummy turn.

Enough with this wanna be already. I can't wait until he just fades away...

TW, you know how to push my buttons..mention fake people and I can't control myself.

But I love you ;)

10:47 AM, March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pleeeeeassse STOP voting for that creepy chicken little guy...
He DOES NOT have the talent to even be in the competition.....
My eyes and ears cannot take it and I'm going to have to stop watching the show if he continues to sing every week....

12:45 PM, March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to turn off the show before Kevin came on. I can't stand to look at him. I thought Taylor or whatever the gray-haired dude's name is was awesome. And I LOVE The Barry!

2:08 PM, March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Kim said...

TW, I LOVE you! Your recaps always crack me up! Katharine does have great hair. And Bucky is looking better and better. I agree w/ pretty much everything you had to say.

But Chris didn't create that remix of IWTL, he just sang Live's cover of it.

4:10 PM, March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear, dear TW, I loves me your site, but you MUST get over this Constantine thing! He's not good looking, just greasy, and having worked in the business for many years (I won't say how long, stop trying to guess my age!), I know talent when I see it, and the boy ain't got it!

9:54 AM, March 23, 2006  
Anonymous jpfl said...

I thought Paula's wig was a little askew...something looked off about it and it was cracking me up.

I hate Pickler- i swear if my peeps taylor or mandisa go before her I will go nuts.

Even though Mandisa is my girl- GIRL you don't admit you never heard of sounded like Pickler for a minute. Like a dumbass.

TW- I might set up an intervention to get you over this Bucky fasination- good god lady- open your eyes. Ewwwwwww. And I bet he smells. :)

9:59 AM, March 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't think Chris claimed he made up the version of it (correct me if i'm wrong).

So why the big deal about it? Who cares who's version of the song he sang. They are allowed so sing whatever version they choose. All i know is he sang it wonderfully and he rocked!

8:08 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Tabloid Whore! said...

ahhh, thank you Kim! I want LIVE's cover now. I love that you are my Idol "fact checker." :)

9:38 AM, March 25, 2006  

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