Tabloid Whore!



Looks like good ol Papa Joe is working overtime to diffuse the rumors about Jessica Simpson and Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine. Several tabloids this week have stories all about how Jessica is going to hold off on dating for a while and hey, don't even think about asking that girl for sex--that ain't happening either! The National Enquirer reports that Jessica has decided to take a year off from dating to focus on her career and a "friend" claims, "It's going to be a while before Jessica considers an intimate relationship. She's fresh out of a marriage and not all that eager to jump back in the sack with someone new."'s a shame she allegedly didn't feel the same way when she was married to Nick. Life & Style Weekly has a bit of a different take on the whole thing, claiming that Papa Joe has forbade his sweet Jessica to date publicly until soon to be ex husband Nick has found himself a hot new bitch (pick me! pick me!). Papa Joe is said to have taken a look at fansites and was stunned when he realized that practically everyone blames Jessica for the breakup. He doesn't want her image damaged any further by fans thinking she doesn't care about her marriage ending. Sorry Papa Joe, it's too late for damage control there too. But, according to Star Magazine, even though Jessica was the one who wanted the divorce, now she can't seem to leave Nick alone. Sources told the magazine that Jessica calls Nick at least once a day telling him about her new place and stupid stuff like "I just bought some fabulous curtains!" Nick reportedly just wants to get on with his life and now she keeps bothering him, probably asking him if he likes her new lips and shit. Friends are claiming that all Jessica does is talk about Nick now and what went wrong with them. Oh boohoo. Nick's a hot piece of meat and some lucky lady is going to be taking a bite out of him real soon. Booya!
Sources: The National Enquirer, Life & Style Weekly, Star Magazine.


Anonymous kim said...

Lol, thats kinda a funny article. Thats pretty weird if she does call him like that. Why doesnt he just block her number or not answer? And I dont think she's putting the chastity belt back on, she was already wandering around in the parking lot w/ that mans shirt on and we all know what she was doing. But that probably is a good idea that Papa Joe has, if Nick dates first it will make Jessica look like the victim...maybe. It usually works like that.

12:37 PM, January 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, nick is already dating, check last week's intouch magazine he's dating some mystery blond he met at lax nightclub, and he was sucking another girls lollipop that very same night spies for the mag said. in life and style mag he is with the same mystery blond she's wearing a baby blue shirt or dress. the pic shows them kissing like they were going to do it at the lax club. it's in the january 30th issue of life and style mag. nick been dating before jess' alleged romp with adam.

2:39 PM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger Tabloid Whore! said...

ooops. guess me and nick will have to do a better job of hiding from the photographers next time.

2:53 PM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger Hazim said...

Hey. Hazim here...again.
Jessica's a walking barbie doll that no girl wants to play with anymore. Sooner or later, we'll all outgrow her and she'll go back to the status she was before the success of Newlyweds.

6:42 PM, January 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's almost like these two are a couple..YICK

9:58 AM, January 31, 2006  
Anonymous AmberKay said...

God, I hate that guy. Why can't he just let her have a life?

I feel sorry for the girl...

11:35 AM, January 31, 2006  

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