TRAPPED.

WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN. NO. DRUGS????!!!!!

A couple interesting things going on in the Katie Holmes department. First off, it looks like Ms. Holmes, our newly converted Scientologist, might have a heck of a time giving birth to her first child because she may have to abstain from painkillers or screaming. The Practitioners of Scientology are against drugs but insist on "silent birth" because they believe it's traumatic for babies to hear their mothers groan or cry. "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go," church founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his best-selling "Dianetics." Scientologists also favor seven days of silence for newborns so their first week on Earth is trauma-free. What a complete nut. You know Nicole Kidman is thanking her lucky stars and laughing her ass off right now. NY Daily News

Also, word has come out that Holmes fired her longtime publicist of 9 years Leslie Sloane Zelnick, just one day before her pregnancy announcement. To no surprise, "Kate" has chosen to take on Tom Cruise's sister (as he also did) LeeAnne Devette as her new publicist. I'm so creeped out by this. I was creeped out when Tom fired the one and only uber publicist Pat Kingsley after 14 years because she was telling him to chill on the Scientology talk, but this is even worse. Zelnick released a statement saying, "We were with her for nine years. We wish her the best. She has chosen to work with her future sister-in-law [Devette]. We wish her well, and congratulate her on her happy news." Yah, actually, I bet they are relieved they don't have to deal with all that Scientology crap too now. What has happened to my Joey Potter??