HAPPY FRIDAY! NAUGHTY MAN GETS PENIS & ASS CHEEKS GLUED.

So, it's a slow day in gossipland. Yah, yah, Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are supposedly back together (snoooore!), Leonardo is trying to get his groove on with other women since he and Gisele broke up (um, I sooo don't care about them that I didn't even KNOW they broke up) and everyone's talking about what hot shit Madonna was last night at the MTV Europe awards (damn, missed it!). Since it's Friday and I wouldn't want to leave you with just a story about Niki Yan (Tom Cruise's koo-koo for Coco Puffs fan), here's a little non-celebrity tabloid dirt I saw in the NY Daily News that will make you girlies laugh and all you boys think twice about being bad. HAPPY WEEKEND!

A Pennsylvania man yesterday testified that an ex-lover really stuck it to him - using Super glue to attach his penis to his belly and then sealing his rear end shut. Before a Westmoreland County jury, Kenneth Slaby detailed the shock of waking up with a misplaced member and a burning sensation in his nether regions. "I woke up in extreme pain," he said. "My whole groin area was on fire." The 58-year-old grandpa pressed charges against ex-flame Gail O'Toole after she manhandled his manhood during their May 2000 encounter.

An attorney for O'Toole said Slaby consented to having his genitals glued and that he suffered no permanent damage. "This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," said attorney Chuck Evans. But Slaby contends O'Toole was dishing out some painful payback for their earlier breakup. The couple dated for 10 months in 1999. He said O'Toole waited until he was asleep to put her Super glue scheme to work. He said she smeared gobs of the sticky substance onto his penis and backside, and applied nail polish to his hair. Slaby said he woke up to a horrifying discovery - and a screeching woman. "'I'm tired of your lies,'" Slaby said O'Toole screamed at him. "The veins were popping out of her neck." Stuck without a ride home, Slaby said he walked a mile to a convenience store to call 911. He then had to wait four hours at a local hospital before medical personnel could put his penis back in its proper position.

DAILY NEWS